One television with a recent bullet hole in the screen prompted by the Jets' late 4th quarter performance last night.

$5 OBO.

Labels: football, New York Jets, TV

Has anyone seen this new Microsoft commercial where the people are saying the have PCs and all the different things they do?

There's this one guy wearing a cowboy hat, who's standing a bit away from the camera and just goes, "I turn number two into energy," and he's got all these cows behind him.

This got me laughing. Very hard.

Labels: commercials, TV

Here's the proof.

Labels: How I Met Your Mother, TV

I'm sure there's an article written about this somewhere. I've probably even linked to it. But this question is worth asking:

What the hell happened to all the good TV theme songs? There was a time that I would have considered TV Theme Songs my savant category. These days, bupkes. There's next to nothing going on in the way of great theme songs. And that's a huge disppointment.

When I was a kid, I remember the theme songs being almost as good as the TV shows themselves. There's no way that I would have ever sat around watching Gilligan's Island reruns after junior high if it had some crappy instrumental these song. The show just wasn't entertaining enough and the plots had more holes than the boxers that I wear on laundry day.

And it's not like that was the only one. Laverne and Shirley, Happy Days, All in the Family, WKRP in Cincinnati, Maude, One Day At A Time, Good Times, Three's Company, The Jeffersons. They all had really great theme songs. That's the '70s. How about the '80s?

Charles in Charge, Cheers, The Love Boat, The Facts of Life, Greatest American Hero. All memorable songs and I'm sure I'm forgetting a ton. [*Editor's Note: I forgot Family Ties!]

Anyway, the point is that I can only think of one single theme song out there these days that I'm humming along to: Scrubs. And that show doesn't even need it because it's so clever (though much less now than it was 5 years ago) The thing is, a lot of these crappy shows that are out there these days could benefit from a truly great theme song. Instead, they rely on a cold open with a crappy joke. Has anyone watched Unhitched? It's a great show. I'm sure retarded people love it. What are the Farrelly brothers doing attaching their names to this? Or is that they're saying "the guys who brought you Dumb and Dumber, so that I'll think it's the Farrellys? Either way, my point is a rocking theme song might make me hang out to watch it, if only for a few minutes.

As an aside, kudos to the Big Bang Theory. Though not a great show, they took the time to hook up the Barenaked Ladies with a gig. The Lads cranked out a pretty solid theme song, and I hang to watch the show. It's entertaining.

I do have a theory here: I think that the studios aren't investing time in coming up with theme songs because people aren't watching opening credits anymore. They're fast forwarding through them with their "magic recordificating devices." Why invest thousands of dollars in something that people aren't listening to?

I'll tell you why: people will listen. They don't now for the same reason that Eskimos eat whale blubber. It's the only fucking thing they're serving. Serve up a decent song and the people will check it out.

Labels: theme songs, TV

Is there a better job in the world than being host of the Price is Right? Everyone that's there is fucking thrilled to be there. When they get up on stage, the go absolutely bonkers, jumping dancing screaming. You get to give them prizes and cash paid for by other people. You get to remind people to help control the pet population and have their pets spayed or neutered. And you only work like three days a week.

All in all, I think Drew Carey has it pretty good.

Labels: Drew Carey, the Price is Right, TV

Frankly speaking, I don't give a crap about the terms of the settlement. Presumably, both sides are happy enough. This, however, is good reading if you want to know when your favorite shows are coming back.

Labels: TV

Fear not, loyal readership (all four of you). I'll be more consistent with my posting over the next few weeks; I've just had an extraordinarily busy time with it here at the day job over the last little bit. Let's see, what's new?

1) We're starting to solicit blurbs for the back cover of our book, so if you're a famous, brilliant author and reading this blog (hello, John Updike!), feel free to email me. Most importantly, we've got an official release date: June 24. Circle it on your calendar.

2) I really like the show Frasier, considering I never watched an episode during its initial run.

That's all for now. Look forward to more of what we do best (Connie Chung news updates and anti-Danish invective) in the coming days.

Labels: books, stuff, TV

[Thanks, Matt.]

Labels: Conan O'Brien, late night, TV

Is anyone else happy that the Golden Globes got canceled? The only thing anyone cares about is the winners anyway. Is there a better way to announce them than at a press conference, or even through a press release. That's what they do with the baseball awards.

Everyone seems to think this is a horrible thing. Why, because Bruce Vilanche won't get the chance to scribe the witty repartee between Gisele and the guy who played Wojo on Barney Miller? These award ceremonies are insufferable. Nothing exciting ever happens at them. If anything, the whole thing goes an hour (or more) long. I don't give a crap what anyone is wearing. I don't care what cause they're supporting. I don't even care who's hosting. These award ceremonies have tipped. Like all things American, it started out as a nice, fun thing. And like all things American, it's been blown completely out of proportion and turned shitty.

Labels: award ceremonies, crap, TV

In honor of the best holiday ever (i.e. I don't have to worry about family, I get to eat Chinese food, see a movie, listen to the music and watch the Yule Log), here's a YouTube of one of the most overlooked SNL TV Funhouse sketches of the last 5 years because it aired during the same episode as "Lazy Sunday." It's called "Christmastime for the Jews"

Enjoy.

Labels: SNL, TV

Every once in a while, I get on my high horse on this blog and I discuss the declining intelligence of America. I pull up some article about some redneck that named himself "Bubba Bubba Bubba" and we all have a good laugh at that idiot's expense. Everyone has a good time, and I feel just a little more superior.

However, Tyler Durden has some shit today that really needs no introduction. I'll quote his blurb, and then leave the rest to you to watch:

This morning on "the View", during a discussion about Epicurus, (the Greek philosopher who was born in 341 BC and died in 270 BC) Sherri Shepherd - who was last seen saying she didn't know if the world was flat - says that nothing predates the Christians. She follows that up by saying nothing predates Jesus. And she may be onto something. Remember those cave drawings of Jesus on a dinosaur at the first Olympics? History and science, it's all coming together now!

Yes, that's correct. This woman is on national TV.

Labels: crazy bitch, SNL, TV

The slow walking away music at the end of the Incredible Hulk:

Labels: Incredible Hulk, sad things for which there are no reason, TV

I finally got around to watching the new Futurama film that was released on DVD on Tuesday. I dug it. My brother pointed out that it kind of negates a couple of the episodes that had already aired, which is probably true, although they could probably work around these paradoxes as well. There were quite a few funny lines. Bender never disappoints, in terms of getting me laughing and Zoidberg (who they keep referring to by his full name "John Zoidberg") also had me rolling a couple of times, even though some of his lines are predictable.

It's a little disappointing, and it's nowhere near as good as the 1999/2000 episodes, but it pretty easily killed my Saturday. On the whole, it's worth a watch.

Labels: Futurama, TV

I haven't mentioned the writer's strike here yet. One quick sentence that basically sums up my opinion: good for them, bad for me. Bad for me because TV shows are going out of production, late night is basically shut down, and if this goes much further, we're talking about no new TV until 2009. This will make my friend Lauren happy because she only watches "unscripted" television programs, like Intervention and the Real Housewives of the O.C. And that's all that will be on TV, so I implore the writers and studios to settle this as soon as possible. There was a good Op-Ed in NY Times yesterday, and if I have a minute to dig up the link, I'll add it here.

However, one positive about the strike is that a lot of shows are taking the opportunity to air a kind of "best-of". This includes the Daily Show, which took the opportunity to air Jon Stewart making John Bolton, the former U.S. Ambassador to the U.N., look like a complete partisan idiot with little to no understanding of history, as Bolton took the opportunity to actually suggest that democratic theory and insulating your presidency to the point of total separation are somehow synonymous, or at a minimum, co-existential (if that's even a word).

Again, if I have a minute, I will try to find this on YouTube. Very entertaining TV.

[Update: Here's that Op-Ed from the Times. It actually appeared in Sunday's Week in Review section.]

Labels: Jon Stewart, reality TV, TV

60 Minutes did a story on Sunday about a group they're calling the "Millennials." Basically, they're talking about people that were born in the early 1980s and didn't really have to work for anything in their lives. The article (and 60 Minutes piece) spend a lot of time discussing how these folks function and operate in a work environment where people actually expect them to, get this, work.

"Millennials" is a nice word for them. I could think of a few others that I'd prefer to use, but they're all beyond the pale of print.

You can both read the article and watch the segment here.

Labels: TV

Nov 1, 2007
fathalpert
Reading, PA

I was awoken at dawn by the sound of a chainsaw. I sleepily stumbled downstairs to see Mose slaughtering a fresh suckling pig for our breakfast. The aroma of swine blood and honey-buckwheat pancakes with fresh gooseberry jam wafted through the air and my mouth began to water. After our hearty meal we all snuggled under a twisty willow tree...

This is bloody brilliant.

Labels: The Office, TV

5-alarm nerdgasm alert!

Paramount has finally released the comprehensive Twin Peaks collection that fans have been waiting for.

Am I fan? When i was 15, I had my mom drive me and a friend into the city to see Mark Frost, Kimmie Robertson, Dana Ashbrook, Catherine Coulson and a couple of other smaller players in the series to sit and talk about the series. I remember sittingin the auditorium and saying to myself, "Wow, all of these people are just like me! They love the show." A couple of minutes later, someone raised their hand and said something about how in one scene, Agent Cooper's suit was buttoned and then it cut back to him and his suit was open and how could they let that kind of continuity issue in the show and that he was so disspointed.

And then I thought, "OK, not exactly like me."

Anyway, if you're a fan of the show, you're going to love the new set. It's got tons of extras, including tons of interviews. If you've never watched, seriously, pick this up.

[Editor's note: Interview with David Lynch in Entertainment Weekly this week.]

Labels: geekgasm, TV, Twin Peaks

There will be more tomorrow (he lied to the less than five people reading this), however, I'd be remiss if I didn't add this clip. I've actually seen the guy who tells this joke do his whole act. He's got some funny lines (including a joke with the phrase "bear with me" that works really well out loud), but this is funnier than anything that he did in that act.



And just for the hell of it, here's the Wonder Years intro:



Tomorrow (he lied again), there will be pictures from the vacation and an explanation of where the hell I've been the last 2-3 weeks.

Labels: stand-up comedy, the Wonder Years, TV

Summer used to be a vast wasteland for TV. It still is, to some degree. But the basic cable channels have been airing their shows during the summer to build an audience that wouldn't be there when the networks begin their fall schedules. The networks have also put some summer programming on, rather than repeats. Of course, it's complete shit reality shows based on karaoke and dancing, but it is new.

Anyway, things you should be checking out:

- Flight of the Conchords (HBO) - very quirky. Also, very brilliant.

- Mad Men (AMC) - this is based on recommendation. I'll be watching one of them tonight [*editor's note: I watched two episodes this evening and it's outstanding. It's a really interesting portrait of advertising's good old days]

- Monk (USA) - this show keeps getting better and better.

Labels: TV

What do you think the pitch for this show was?

"I'm picturing the exact same format as Chappelle's Show, only much, much less funny."

Labels: crap, TV

Bob Newhart's TV best friend Tom Poston is married to his former TV wife Suzanne Pleshette.

I wonder if he loses any sleep over that.

Editor's note: the esteemed Mr. Tobey has informed me that Tom Poston is, in fact, dead. Thus, he was married to Suzanne Pleshette, past tense. My apologies to the Poston family.

Labels: random thoughts, TV

I rarely watch the show Frasier, both when it was on and now that it's in syndication. I have nothing against Frasier, Kelsey Grammer, Jane Leeves or Seattle. I just never got into the show. But every time that I flip it on, I see the same episode. It's uncanny. I always see the episode where Fraiser is fighting with the guy in his building and he unfurls the large American flag from his one floor up balcony and obscures Frasier's magnifient city view. I've probably seen 15 total episodes of the show (out of like 250, since it ran for like 12 years) and I've seen that episode like 5 times.

I feel like this happens with every show that's on TV. I assume that some episodes draw better ratings than others, so they play them more frequently. This makes sense to me from a network standpoint. It's got to be frustrating for the habitual Frasier, who has to sit through the same episode more often than any other. But it really pisses me off. The only reason I'm watching Frasier in the first place is because it's the one thing on the air that I haven't seen 46,000 times, and every single time that I flip it on, I see the same fucking episode.

Anyway, I got to thinking about shows, both ones that I've watched over the years and ones that I haven't. And for just about every show that I sat and thought about, I picked out an episode that I'd seen many more times than any other episode. Here's just a few:

Scrubs, "My Way Home": the tribute to The Wizard of Oz", where J.D.'s trying to get home and Turk needs a heart, Carla needs courage, and Elliot needs brains. This is an outstanding epsiode.

21 Jump Street, "Hell Week": the one where they're trying to solve the student rape case in the fraternity, and Johnny Depp pledges the frat to infiltrate. I remember a scene where he had to sort silverware quickly under penalty of death or having to wear white after Labor Day or something.

Seinfeld, "The Pool Guy": where the pool guy wants to be Jerry's friend. I've probably seen every episode of Seinfeld like 10 times, but I don't like this one

Labels: 21 Jump Street, Frasier, Scrubs, Seinfeld, TV

Who watched Thank God You're Here last night? Very funny stuff (the first episode more than the second), but this was immediately moved to DVR for future tapings. The casts are really outstanding. They got a lot of people with very solid improv background. I was really impressed with the guy who hosts, The Soup (whose name I didn't know until yesterday night. It's Joel McHale.

I have to admit I'm reasonably impressed with the shows that are being selected for network TV lately. They've realized that the competition for viewers from cable is fierce. This has wrought both good and bad changes.

The good: they're taking some chances on TV shows that they may not have taken a couple of years ago.

The bad: they tend to pull the plug pretty quickly.

The good: successful shows are given money to succeed.

The bad: too much fucking reality TV. I get it. It's cheap (you don't have to write scripts or pay actors), but enough already.

Labels: Thank God You're Here, TV

Who doesn't love The Daily Show? I think one of the true marks of the show's brilliance is how successful its supporting cast has become based off of their work as "Senior Correspondents" on the show.

Steve Carell's got The Office, which remains one of the top two or three shows on television right now, and a ton of big screen roles to his credit as well.

Stephen Colbert hosts The Colbert Report every night right after TDS.

Let's add Rob Corddry to this list. His new Fox show, The Winner, is absolutely hysterical. The plot is ridiculous. It's about Glen Abbott, the richest guy in Buffalo, who was a late bloomer, not really coming out of his shell until 1994, when he was 32. His growth is spurred on by the return of his high school crush (the only girl he's ever kissed). He becomes best friends with her 11-year old son, Josh, who resides at the same emotional maturity level. The show's driving theme is Josh and Glen's attempts to grow up, which is almsot solely defined by their quest to score chicks.

It's got a great supporting cast, including Lenny Clarke as his father, the stripper from Tin Cup as his mother, and the neighbor's son is brilliant. This has made its way to my DVR.

Labels: Rob Corddry, The Winner, TV

I hate to keep dropping video clips in here, but it's important that everyone watches this.

Labels: Fred "Rerun" Berry, Scrubs, TV

If you grew up watching Family Ties as I did, you were probably as exicted as I was that Season 1 finally came out on DVD after almost two years of delays. By the way, it's as good as I remembered. Campy, yes, but it really scratches your nostalgia bone where it itches. I'd make another joke here, but I'm way too tired.

Also, if you're a hard leaning leftie, as I am, you'll also be interested to read this article from Slate today entitled, "Reagan's Favorite Sitcom: How Family Ties Spawned A Conservative Movement." It's an interesting piece about MIchael J. Fox's recent role as stem cell research savior vs. his former role as Alex P. Keaton, icon of the Young Republican movement. I won't spoil the article, but it's reasonably clear to anyone that watched the show that APK was no run of the mill Conservative.

Labels: Family Ties, TV

I was never that into Futurama when it was first on the air, but the two repeats a night on Adult Swim has really turned me into a big fan of the show. Just ask my wife, who is subjected to my horrible impression of Dr. Zoidberg from 10:30pm until we go to sleep.

Anyway, everyone who would care probably knows this already, but new episodes will be airing on Comedy Central in 2008. You should watch them, if only because the show deserves to keep running and Bender will make you wet yourself with delight.

Labels: Futurama, TV