Geoff Wolinetz Is Too Late: January 2008

What Am I Not Getting?

Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus are the same person, right? What's the deal with this movie that has them both in the same concert? How can they both be performing at the same concern when they're the same person? What the fuck is going on here?

Labels: dumb questions, Hannah Montana

Tedy Bruschi Has A Borderline Criminal Obsession With Hummel Figurines

And he won't play with anyone else. He only plays with himself.

Labels: football, sports

Tom Brady Has A Tiny Pecker

I've decided that for each of the next 4 days (until the Super Bowl) that I'm going to put up a minimum of two posts a day that takes a completely unwarranted shot at someone on the New England Patriots.

Labels: football, sports

Commercial That I Just Saw

It was a campaign commercial for Hillary Clinton, and it was running through quotes that are descriptive of her ability to be president. This was the last one that came up:

"Mrs. Clinton is qualified ... to be president"

I missed where that quote came from, because I was laughing so hard. It's not that I don't think she's qualified to be president. She's probably qualified. I wouldn't vote for her, but then again, I don't love her politics and I'm not a big fan of her method.

More than anything though, that's just a pretty strategically placed ellipsis. What words appeared between "qualified" and "to" that had to be removed? A couple of guesses:

"is qualified to bring in a talking bear to be president"

"is qualified, albeit totally unsexy, to be preseident"

"is qualified to eat her weight in Crisco, but not to be president

Labels: Hillary Clinton, politics

I Give It 37 Days

My good friend Matt Tobey is blogging at his eponymous website again.

You may know him from his Indecision 2008 work over at Comedy Central. Either way, he's brilliant and you should check his stuff out, at least during the next month before he gives up.

Labels: Matt Tobey

YPR On NPR?

I found it pretty shocking myself, but a YPR list made it on to the open of Car Talk on NPR on Saturday. This is interesting, if only for the fact that only one of the three YPR editors owns a car and none of the three are smart enough to be listening to NPR. They botched the author's name a little bit, which kind of sucks for him. This is actually the list that appears in the The Best American Non-Required Reading 2007.

You can hear the clip here.

The original list as published on YPR can be read here.

Labels: Car Talk, NPR, YPR

I've Neglected My Blog

Fear not, loyal readership (all four of you). I'll be more consistent with my posting over the next few weeks; I've just had an extraordinarily busy time with it here at the day job over the last little bit. Let's see, what's new?

1) We're starting to solicit blurbs for the back cover of our book, so if you're a famous, brilliant author and reading this blog (hello, John Updike!), feel free to email me. Most importantly, we've got an official release date: June 24. Circle it on your calendar.

2) I really like the show Frasier, considering I never watched an episode during its initial run.

That's all for now. Look forward to more of what we do best (Connie Chung news updates and anti-Danish invective) in the coming days.

Labels: books, stuff, TV

#9! To The Rafters!

There were many memorable things from the Brian Leetch retirement ceremony at Madison Square Garden tonight, other than me once again forgetting my camera during a memorable moment. There was Tie Domi and Darren Langdon towing a Harley out as a gift for Leetch. There was Messier crying, again. There were the Rangers, old and new, that came to celebrate the raising of Leetch's number to the rafters.

But most memorable was when Leetch dropped the bomb on the crowd: that the Rangers had decided that it was time for Adam Graves to join the ranks of all-time Ranger greats by having his number retired. That will take place next season, and it's in tribute to Graves contributions both on and off the ice.

I've met Adam Graves once in my life. When he was still playing for the Rangers, I stood on line on the Upper East Side for 2 hours to donate a toy. Graves was, as usual, working tirelessly to bring Christmas to tons of children that wouldn't otherwise have one. He sat there collecting toys and signing autographs until the very last person had been taken care of. The thing is that it never came off as though he felt like he had to be there. No, Adam Graves wanted to be there.

And that's exactly why I want to be there when his number goes up to the rafters. And why I'll be cheering as loud as anyone else in the place.

Labels: Adam Graves, Brian Leetch, New York Rangers

Calling Park City. Park City, Come In ...

Good article in the New York Times about some of the films coming out of Sundance. It's nice to see Catherine Keener getting some work. She's in a film called, "Hamlet 2" that also features Elisabeth Shue playing herself. If that doesn't have high comedy written all over it, I don't know what does.

My friend Jackie was there for the weekend on business and caught a film that she passes along with high recommendations called "The Wackiness." Ben Kingsley's in it, along with Famke Janssen and Method Man. It's got a really odd plot. From IMDb:

Story, set in 1994, centers on a troubled teenage drug dealer and a drug-addled psychiatrist -- after the former trades pot for therapy sessions, then falls for the doctor's daughter.

It looks like there's some hope for the movie industry after all.

Labels: movies, Sundance

Holy Fucking Shit! Part 2

Heath Ledger is dead.

Labels: dead celebs, Heath Ledger

Holy Fucking Shit!

Normally, you couldn't make me watch the Oscars by using toothpicks to hold my eyes open and shocking me with a cattle prod to make sure I'm paying attention. I'm not going to say the Academy got it right here. Frankly, I still don't care. But I'm beyond shocked that Juno's gotten FOUR major nominations:

Best Picture
Best Actress - Ellen Page
Best Director - Jason Reitman
Best Screenplay Written Directly for the Screen

One more thing: enough with fucking Queen Elizabeth already. How many Oscar noms is Cate Blanchett going to snag for playing the same fucking person?

Labels: award ceremonies, Juno, movies

Checkmate

Former chess champion and certified crazy person Bobby Fischer is dead at the age of 64.

I've always believed that the line between brilliance and insanity is extraordinarily thin, and I don't know if anyone crossed that line so dramatically as Fischer, a man known as much for being a chess prodigy as for his rabid anti-Semitism (despite being half-Jewish) and anti-Americanism (despite being a born there).

I think I'll remember the laughs more than anything, like when he praised the 9/11 terrorist attacks or when he called the United States, Australia and the U.K. the "allies of Evil."

Yes, it's the laughs that I'll remember most.

[Here's a piece I wrote for the Y.P.R. Book Club in October, 2004 called Checkmate, at which time we spoofed Nicholson Baker's Checkpoint

Labels: Bobby Fischer, chess, crazy people

Why I Think I'll Never Be The Writer I Want To Be

Every once in a while, I read something that makes me realize what an inferior writer I am and how writing can really hit me on a very visceral level.

This was written by John Updike in the New Yorker about Ted Williams last home run (in his last at bat):

"Like a feather caught in a vortex, Williams ran around the square of bases at the center of our beseeching screaming. He ran as he always ran out home runs - hurriedly, unsmiling, head down, as if our praise were a storm of rain to get out of. He didn't tip his cap. Though we thumped, wept, and chanted "We want Ted" for minutes after he hid in the dugout, he did not come back. Our noise for some seconds passed beyond excitement into a kind of immense open anguish, a wailing, a cry to be saved. But immortality is nontransferable. The papers said that the other players, and even the umpires on the field, begged him to come out and acknowledge us in some way, but he never had and did not now. Gods do not answer letters."

Thanks, Joe P.

Labels: writing

Rice's Case Cooked

It's no big secret around here that I'm a sports fan, nor is it a secret that I think Rob Neyer is one of the best baseball columnists around.

And given my Yankee fandom, it should come as no surprise that I had a full-on, five-alarm nerdgasm when I read his blog entry today rebutting Dan Shaughnessy's column on Jim Rice's candidacy for the Hall of Fame. I don't support Rice's case for the Hall of Fame. Neither does Neyer, and he brilliantly illustrates (again) why Rice's case just doesn't hold up under scrutiny.

You can read the entry here.

Labels: baseball, geekgasm, Rob Neyer

On A Huckabee Kick Today

Excellent article by Loretta Hidalgo Whitesides in Wired about Mike Huckabee and his artful dodging of any real answer when people ask him about creationism:

Huckabee took Republican center stage after the Iowa caucuses, but his clever sidesteps of scientific questions are a warning sign. "Do you believe in evolution?" The short answer? No, he doesn't. People are charmed by him, asking why anyone should care since "[I'm] not planning on writing the curriculum for an eighth-grade science book," and "if anybody wants to believe they're the descendants of a primate, they're welcome to do it."

Whitesides goes on to say that he's missing the point pretty badly. There are big decisions to be made that, as president, he's going to have to make on real world issues, like who to fund and how much for scientific and medical research and appointing judges to make decisions in case about creationism is schools.

I agree. And the bottom line is that all of his beliefs and guiding principles inform those decisions. A person who believes unironically that the Earth is 6,000 years old isn't, in my opinion, working from the right decision making perspective. And that should inform my (but also everyone's) decision on who to vote for.

Labels: Mike Huckabee, politics

Huckabeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Interesting story about the Huckabee family, courtesy of Snopes.com.

The stuff about his son David is disgusting, but the details on it are pretty shady. I have no idea what actually happened. However, the stuff at the end of the passage (regarding his dismissal of Arkansas Chief of Police) is something that is worth considering when you vote.

Labels: Mike Huckabee, politics

I've Got Wood

Woody Allen, that is.

He had an interview on NPR's Weekend Edition on Saturday. It's a longish interview, but like most Woody, worth the time. It's a nice look into his new film Cassandra's Dream, which looks phenomenal, as well as his life.

Labels: NPR, Woody Allen

The Best Thing To Come Out Of The Writer's Strike

[Thanks, Matt.]

Labels: Conan O'Brien, late night, TV

The Goose Is No Longer Loose

Goose Gossage has been elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame.

In a related story, he has also been elected to the Mustache Hall of Fame and the Walrus Hall of Fame.

Labels: Goose Gossage, mustache, walrus

Guess They're Not So Gold, Huh?

Is anyone else happy that the Golden Globes got canceled? The only thing anyone cares about is the winners anyway. Is there a better way to announce them than at a press conference, or even through a press release. That's what they do with the baseball awards.

Everyone seems to think this is a horrible thing. Why, because Bruce Vilanche won't get the chance to scribe the witty repartee between Gisele and the guy who played Wojo on Barney Miller? These award ceremonies are insufferable. Nothing exciting ever happens at them. If anything, the whole thing goes an hour (or more) long. I don't give a crap what anyone is wearing. I don't care what cause they're supporting. I don't even care who's hosting. These award ceremonies have tipped. Like all things American, it started out as a nice, fun thing. And like all things American, it's been blown completely out of proportion and turned shitty.

Labels: award ceremonies, crap, TV

Breaking News: Britney Spears Is Insane

Britney's been hospitalized. Apparently, she locked herself in a room with her youngest kid while intoxicated (no word what the substance was), and thought that course of action was the best way to stake her claim for full custody of the children.

I think it's time to get Lynne Spears book back in the works.

Labels: Britney Spears, crazy bitch

Do You Know The Way To NYC?

The Port Authority of NY/NJ officially approved their proposed rate hike for area bridges and tolls, as well as the PATH that connects Jersey City/Hoboken with Lower/Midtown Manhattan. The rate increases effect the Westside crossings (GWB, Lincoln and Holland) as well as Staten Island crossings.

I'm torn. On the one hand, I rarely drive and would love to see less cars in the city. On the other hand, this is a pretty big boning for anyone that commutes regularly by car. It's not meant to be a deterrent to people commuting either. On WABC's local news, a Port Authority spokesman cited post-9/11 security and operating costs as their reason for the hikes, calling it a $650M expense.

The problem is that we've been burned too many times for me to believe this. It's entirely the MTA's fault. These government agencies just shouldn't be operating at a surplus. Show me the books that prove you're operating at a loss. I can't believe that $2 is necessary.

Labels: commuting, New York City

The Results Are In

... and they're somewhat surprising (at least to me). From the New York Times:

Senator Barack Obama of Illinois, a first-term Democratic senator trying to become the nation's first African-American president, rolled to victory in the Iowa caucuses on Thursday night ... The victory by Mr. Obama, 46, amounted to a startling setback for Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton, 60, of New York, who just months ago presented herself as the front-runner for the Democratic presidential nomination.

--snip--

On the Republican side, Mike Huckabee, the former governor of Arkansas who was barely a blip on the national scene just two months ago, defeated Mitt Romney, a former Massachusetts governor, delivering a serious setback to Mr. Romney's high-spending campaign and putting pressure on Mr. Romney to win in New Hampshire next Tuesday.

Obama's been running a pretty close second to Hillary in most of the polls that came out prior to last night. The most interesting part here, given that Dodd, Richardson and Biden were barely a blip, was that Obama won an overwhelming amount of undecided voters, rather than scooping up the dismissed less-than-15-perceter votes. This is a pretty strong result for him.

I don't even know what to say about Huckabee. The guy is likable and, even though he's a minister, he's not a Bible-thumping assface. I wouldn't vote for him, because he's completely opposed to everything I support (or at least don't care enough about to be opposed to) socially, like abortion, gay marriage, etc. However, I can totally see why he'd be a viable option for any Republican voter. Romney comes off so disingenuous to me. It's very hard to get a read on him. He's supposedly a devout Mormon, which to me is the same as being a Scientologist.

The best result of the night? 6 percent for Giuliani, the twice-divorced "family values" candidate, who's so crooked that you have to count your fingers when you shake his hand. His record in New York City as mayor was horrible from a civil liberties perspective, and he was mostly hated here right up until 9/11. I'd rather pull my fingernails out with pliers than vote for Giuliani. Sounds like Iowa feels the same way.

Labels: politics

STOP! Caucus Time.

Although the general election is a still a staggering 11 months away, determining each party's candidates begins tonight with the Iowa caucuses.

CNN.com has a very simple primer about how the caucuses work here, and it kind of makes me want to move to Iowa. I think one of the reasons people don't vote is that they don't feel like the process means anything. It's so disconnected. You're not really invested in the process. You go into the booth, pull the lever and that's it.

In Iowa, there's actually some action. You stand with your candidate. If he/she doesn't get enough votes, you throw your support somewhere else. Your vote counts. Not just once, but twice or three times or more.

It probably works in Iowa because the population is manageable enough, but it would be nice if all states could make their population be this engaged about something that's really fucking important.

Labels: politics

2007, Y.P.R Style

If you read just one thing that keeps you from doing all of the work to which you came back after your long holiday, it should be the annual Y.P.R wrap-up of the year that was around those parts.

Labels: YPR

Happy New Year

Hope it's a good one, wherever you're celebrating.

Labels: New Years'

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